Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Relationships: The Irreversible Curse of Modern Technology...
With all of the many methods of new technology of communication today, America is still listed as one of the most isolated countries and has the highest rate of the loneliest people. Could it be that the yester decades of modern growth have ultimately spiral-spun us into a web of isolation to the point that when we are forced to walk out into the real world, we do not really know how to communicate with unfamiliar faces - people who are not related to us? Can modern technology be the blame for homes being built without front porches where people once sat and spoke to their neighbors and also welcomed strangers as they walked or drove by? Can the curse of modern technology be responsible for people having absent the skills of homegrown courtesy and respect and cordiality?
In the past 10-years, websites for dating and people-matching services have sprung up all over the world and grown into a multi-billion-dollar industry annually. And, more new ones are being invented monthly to accommodate the growth of interested lonely people trying to find that special friend and/or mate. And in the pursuit for someone else to make us happy, people often place their expectations too high by forming a fixated mental image and list with unrealistic qualifications and hopes of finding "Mr. Perfect" or "Miss Right."
And, one may argue – so, what is wrong with that? Many or most are left with nothing but a stomach ulcer or a few more gray hairs or irregular heart rhythms or migraine headaches or even severe depression due to being overwhelmed with anxiety from the fear of spending another Valentine's Day without receiving flowers or a card; or spending another Christmas alone - even though they may be surrounded by family. And what do most do? The answer today seems to be somewhere hidden in the idea that dating services have the secret "bullet" to eradicate loneliness. And every time a person may receive a phone call from an ad that they may have placed, they are usually on the other end of the line holding on for dear life hoping that the caller will be that one special person who will be the answer to all their prays and will ultimately fulfill all of their hopes and dreams forever. But, even though that is sadly true in most cases, the intellect still know in their deep subconscious that no one person can realistically fill such a huge gap in any one person’s life.
Too often, the search for that perfect person is based on both the physical appearance, and sometimes, monetary status rather than what's really important. As a result, our values and compatibility and willingness to give and receive; and reasonable two-way compromise takes a "back seat." Ultimately, physical attraction at first sight produces the rise in sexual hormones, which results in too many one-night soirée’s. Consequently, in the quest to find that special someone, too many emotional and sexual mistakes are made with temporary stand-in's during the search for the real thing; and when that special someone finally emerges from one's stream of one-night stands and lunch-break hook-ups, the cost of the mental and physical damage is to high and must be dealt with first; thus, preventing or prolonging the absence of true love and life-long commitment that much longer. In short, the curse of modern technology has forced too many people to play russian roulette with their bodies – replacing or opting for instant gratification rather than waiting for that special life-long soul mate.
During the critical stages, it was very easy to watch American isolationism set in during the past 10-20 years. The curse of modern technology helped us erect large homes and isolate ourselves in luxurious suburbs. As a result, communication skills have suffered on a personal level and have reduced people to be more comfortable communicating with others thru networks such as emails, chat rooms, instant messaging, web-cams, etc. And, what is wrong with this? These methods of communication still do not remove the need to be touched, to be hugged, to sit across from someone every evening at the dinner table, to tell someone every morning face-to-face "I love you", or to create special memories by cuddling on the sofa and talk a lot about nothing with a soul mate.
I remember when it was impossible get down a neighborhood street without orally speaking to other neighbors as they passed by. And, some of those one-on-one communications would often require a brief stop to chat about the concerns of that day or convey a message about someone else in the community. And, it was also often that those old fashioned methods of communication were the best ways to spread important news within a community. What resulted in such old familiar ways of small-village living was that strong life-lasting friendships were found, marriages and family units within the community thrived, and the barriers of cultural differences were broken down that resulted in building on the common ground of acceptance, respect, sharing and understanding. People learned from infancy to know one another.
However, modern technology has complicated our lives to the point that made us too busy with unimportant things - so much so - that we now have little time to dedicate ourselves to forming true genuine long-lasting rock solid friendships and relationships. I think that author Richard Rodriguez summed it up best during an interview with Bill Moyer recently. He stated that the reason why relationships do not abound today like they did in years past is because society has forgotten about the simple two-letter pronoun "we." And, I must without hesitation agree. Because, any reasonably intelligent person can plainly see that society as a whole has been reduced to a selfish, me, my, all-about-me, do-what-I-want-to-do kind of world - irregardless of who gets hurt or who's shoes or hands gets stepped on. With that attitude, what sort of baggage do people usually bring into a relationship? Usually emotionally damaged goods stained with false hopes, bruised egos, unrealistic ideas and expectations that are dependent on someone else to make them a whole and healed person.
As the noted author suggested, if people can just simply put the "we" back into their lives, everything else would easily fall into it's proper place at the proper time. And once the simple pronoun "we" is set in place, that means being considerate of someone other than one's self, it means one-on-one in-person communication is necessary in order for it to be nurtured and survive, the pronoun "we" makes it necessary to check in on the neighbors at least once a week; it requires friends to get together and invite other people to form new friendships; it causes one to return a phone call message in an expeditious manner. The simple two-letter pronoun "we" requires men to be gentlemen to women and women to be ladies to men. The pronoun "we" most importantly requires people to get involved, stay in touch, be out spoken and be present. You become more informed and aware of your surroundings. And, you become more sensitive to the needs of others and your community. In the process, what ultimately happens? You meet new people. You form new friendships that often result in something more long-term and endearing.
In it's inconspicuous and unassuming existence, the pronoun "we" - in all forms and purposes - eliminates loneliness. Think about it for a moment. If people would just follow that simple concept - as uncomplicated as it is - just think of how many other alternative methods of finding others who might be compatible with us would not be necessary. Or, is it just too simple and easy to be believable? Somehow, I cannot accept the argument that modern technology had pushed us in too far to the point that we may have lost our way too deep into the forest of loneliness and despair to find our way back. Not yet!
Stan-Joseph Jennings, Author
Articles: What’s News Is News
909 Eagles Landing Parkway
Suite 140; MB-144
Stockbridge, GA 30281
(678) 432-2851
With all of the many methods of new technology of communication today, America is still listed as one of the most isolated countries and has the highest rate of the loneliest people. Could it be that the yester decades of modern growth have ultimately spiral-spun us into a web of isolation to the point that when we are forced to walk out into the real world, we do not really know how to communicate with unfamiliar faces - people who are not related to us? Can modern technology be the blame for homes being built without front porches where people once sat and spoke to their neighbors and also welcomed strangers as they walked or drove by? Can the curse of modern technology be responsible for people having absent the skills of homegrown courtesy and respect and cordiality?
In the past 10-years, websites for dating and people-matching services have sprung up all over the world and grown into a multi-billion-dollar industry annually. And, more new ones are being invented monthly to accommodate the growth of interested lonely people trying to find that special friend and/or mate. And in the pursuit for someone else to make us happy, people often place their expectations too high by forming a fixated mental image and list with unrealistic qualifications and hopes of finding "Mr. Perfect" or "Miss Right."
And, one may argue – so, what is wrong with that? Many or most are left with nothing but a stomach ulcer or a few more gray hairs or irregular heart rhythms or migraine headaches or even severe depression due to being overwhelmed with anxiety from the fear of spending another Valentine's Day without receiving flowers or a card; or spending another Christmas alone - even though they may be surrounded by family. And what do most do? The answer today seems to be somewhere hidden in the idea that dating services have the secret "bullet" to eradicate loneliness. And every time a person may receive a phone call from an ad that they may have placed, they are usually on the other end of the line holding on for dear life hoping that the caller will be that one special person who will be the answer to all their prays and will ultimately fulfill all of their hopes and dreams forever. But, even though that is sadly true in most cases, the intellect still know in their deep subconscious that no one person can realistically fill such a huge gap in any one person’s life.
Too often, the search for that perfect person is based on both the physical appearance, and sometimes, monetary status rather than what's really important. As a result, our values and compatibility and willingness to give and receive; and reasonable two-way compromise takes a "back seat." Ultimately, physical attraction at first sight produces the rise in sexual hormones, which results in too many one-night soirée’s. Consequently, in the quest to find that special someone, too many emotional and sexual mistakes are made with temporary stand-in's during the search for the real thing; and when that special someone finally emerges from one's stream of one-night stands and lunch-break hook-ups, the cost of the mental and physical damage is to high and must be dealt with first; thus, preventing or prolonging the absence of true love and life-long commitment that much longer. In short, the curse of modern technology has forced too many people to play russian roulette with their bodies – replacing or opting for instant gratification rather than waiting for that special life-long soul mate.
During the critical stages, it was very easy to watch American isolationism set in during the past 10-20 years. The curse of modern technology helped us erect large homes and isolate ourselves in luxurious suburbs. As a result, communication skills have suffered on a personal level and have reduced people to be more comfortable communicating with others thru networks such as emails, chat rooms, instant messaging, web-cams, etc. And, what is wrong with this? These methods of communication still do not remove the need to be touched, to be hugged, to sit across from someone every evening at the dinner table, to tell someone every morning face-to-face "I love you", or to create special memories by cuddling on the sofa and talk a lot about nothing with a soul mate.
I remember when it was impossible get down a neighborhood street without orally speaking to other neighbors as they passed by. And, some of those one-on-one communications would often require a brief stop to chat about the concerns of that day or convey a message about someone else in the community. And, it was also often that those old fashioned methods of communication were the best ways to spread important news within a community. What resulted in such old familiar ways of small-village living was that strong life-lasting friendships were found, marriages and family units within the community thrived, and the barriers of cultural differences were broken down that resulted in building on the common ground of acceptance, respect, sharing and understanding. People learned from infancy to know one another.
However, modern technology has complicated our lives to the point that made us too busy with unimportant things - so much so - that we now have little time to dedicate ourselves to forming true genuine long-lasting rock solid friendships and relationships. I think that author Richard Rodriguez summed it up best during an interview with Bill Moyer recently. He stated that the reason why relationships do not abound today like they did in years past is because society has forgotten about the simple two-letter pronoun "we." And, I must without hesitation agree. Because, any reasonably intelligent person can plainly see that society as a whole has been reduced to a selfish, me, my, all-about-me, do-what-I-want-to-do kind of world - irregardless of who gets hurt or who's shoes or hands gets stepped on. With that attitude, what sort of baggage do people usually bring into a relationship? Usually emotionally damaged goods stained with false hopes, bruised egos, unrealistic ideas and expectations that are dependent on someone else to make them a whole and healed person.
As the noted author suggested, if people can just simply put the "we" back into their lives, everything else would easily fall into it's proper place at the proper time. And once the simple pronoun "we" is set in place, that means being considerate of someone other than one's self, it means one-on-one in-person communication is necessary in order for it to be nurtured and survive, the pronoun "we" makes it necessary to check in on the neighbors at least once a week; it requires friends to get together and invite other people to form new friendships; it causes one to return a phone call message in an expeditious manner. The simple two-letter pronoun "we" requires men to be gentlemen to women and women to be ladies to men. The pronoun "we" most importantly requires people to get involved, stay in touch, be out spoken and be present. You become more informed and aware of your surroundings. And, you become more sensitive to the needs of others and your community. In the process, what ultimately happens? You meet new people. You form new friendships that often result in something more long-term and endearing.
In it's inconspicuous and unassuming existence, the pronoun "we" - in all forms and purposes - eliminates loneliness. Think about it for a moment. If people would just follow that simple concept - as uncomplicated as it is - just think of how many other alternative methods of finding others who might be compatible with us would not be necessary. Or, is it just too simple and easy to be believable? Somehow, I cannot accept the argument that modern technology had pushed us in too far to the point that we may have lost our way too deep into the forest of loneliness and despair to find our way back. Not yet!
Stan-Joseph Jennings, Author
Articles: What’s News Is News
909 Eagles Landing Parkway
Suite 140; MB-144
Stockbridge, GA 30281
(678) 432-2851
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